How many people can say they, quite literally, made their dream come true? I know that I can.
Last week, I had a particularly vivid dream. In it, there was a brand new sandwich that was going viral on TikTok. As I scrolled through my phone, I saw a torrent of videos of Gen Z’ers going to delis, corner stores, and restaurants and ordering this sandwich, which for some reason, was tied to a brand new holiday called “Monogamy Day.” What else Monogamy Day entailed I do not know (presumably, not sleeping with more than one person), but I did have a dream bite of said sandwich.
And then I woke up and madly typed up the following on my Notes app so I wouldn’t forget what I had just experienced.
This is the original recipe for, what I can only call, the Monogamy Day Sandwich. Provolone and an Italian roll are a good combination. The ham is also complementary, despite the strange stipulation that it be cubed. It’s all pretty standard and straightforward except that last ingredient, charging sauce.
Now in my dream, charging sauce came out of a squirt bottle and was absolutely smothering these sandos. They were dripping in charging sauce. When I had my dream bite, I remember it being a very distinct tangy, acidic, zippy flavour that I could not place. And despite being clearly told in the dream it had some sort of avocado base, it was a bright yellow, not green. In retrospect, this was probably just one of those dream paradoxes that don’t translate to waking life, but I digress.
Obviously, I became obsessed with figuring out what it could have been and then making my dream sandwich a reality. So that weekend, I planned a celebration. I invited a few friends over to eat something that came to me in a dream. I went shopping for the ingredients while racking my brain for what the charging sauce could possibly have been.
I asked around and received some interesting suggestions for potential ingredients (mustard, a poblano crema, pickle juice), but I realized the flavour palette was some sort of vinaigrette. Initially, I though mango, but came across in the aisle of my local monopolistic grocer a yuzu vinaigrette. It looked like ticked all the boxes I was looking for so I snapped it up, along with some ripe avocados, an inch-thick slab of ham, some provolone slices, and some nice Italian rolls. I was ready to bring my dream to life, as if I was wielding the lathe of heaven itself.
When time came to make the charging sauce, I combined the avocado, a generous glug of yuzu vinaigrette to achieve maximum zippiness, a squeeze of lemon, and a pinch of cayenne alongside some salt and pepper to taste. It was nearly there… but it still felt like it was missing something. Hollow, much unlike the virile sauce I had in my dream. It was at this point that I truly considered the surreality and absurdity of trying to remember the taste of something I had only eaten in a dream. However, I brushed aside this reflection and continued on, rummaging through my fridge to see if the secret ingredient lay inside.
And lo and behold. On the door, I found a miniature jar of Cheez Whiz, which my partner Hailey bought for me as a gag gift during the holidays. Not only would it enhance the sauce’s yellowness, it seemed like the perfect solution to inject the fattiness, saltiness, and general sense of fullness that I felt was missing. When I dolloped a spoonful of it into the mix, my hypothesis was proven correct. It was oh so wrong, yet oh so right.
With the sauce figured out just in the nick of time before my guests arrived, I began prepping the sandwiches. Per my dream, two slices of provolone were laid on the bottom half of the roll. Then, two-by-two, cubes of ham were placed along the cheese slices in a neat little row. The sandos then went into the toaster over for 10 minutes, which was actually a stroke of dream-brain brilliance, as the melted cheese, which helped the ham cubes stick in place. Also, melted cheese and toasted buns are just so much better than unmleted cheese and untoasted buns.
After taking them out, I generously ladled on the charging sauce. Very heavily, per my dream specifications. I did not have a squeeze bottle on hand unfortunately, but a rubber spatula got the job done.
While Hailey and I ate the entire thing because we didn’t have any dinner, neither of my guests finished theres (in fact, one took a single bite of his before bowing out). I do not blame them for this, because the Monogamy Day Sandwich was an abrasive eating experience. The charging sauce was so aggressive and there was so much of it that it drowned everything else out. Though I will say, the cubed ham was not the off-putting textural experience I thought it was going to be.
Ultimately, I think this sandwich might be conceptually flawed — unsurprising as, I reiterate, it was devised by my sleeping brain. It takes basically a solid ham and cheese and adds a flavour profile that doesn’t really jive. That said, I think there is a better version of charging sauce to be made that uses less of the vinaigrette and works to highlight the avocado more.
As I told my guests, that was not the point of this exercise. I was looking to make a dream accurate sandwich, not a tasty one. And at that, I think I succeeded. If you are curious and want to try it yourself — or think that you can somehow salvage it — then I have attached my recipe below. Bon appétit and happy Monogamy Day.
The Monogamy Day Sandwich
(Makes 6)
Ingredients
For sandwich
6 soft Italian rolls
1 kg of one-inch thick Black Forest ham, cut into cubes
12 slices of Provolone cheese
For charging sauce
1 avocado
1 cup of Acid League’s yuzu vinaigrette (or a homemade variant)
Juice of half a lemon
Two tablespoons Cheez Whiz
Pinch of cayenne
Salt and pepper to taste
Directions
Slice open Italian roll and lay on two slices of Provolone cheese
Two-by-two, places the cubes of ham along the Provolone until it is covered
Put sandwiches into a pre-heated toaster oven at 400°F for 8-10 minutes
While cooking, make charging sauce by combing all above ingredient in a bowl and mixing well
Transport the mix into a blender or food processor and pulse until smooth
When sandwiches are done, take them out and, while still hot, generously apply the charging sauce
Serve and enjoy :)
No cheese whiz in the recipe???
Quinn…..if exotica sandwiches is what you crave( and yours looks great) you need to travel to Grandmother Lives You at Yonge St Clair for a huge variety of said creations as well as hot dogs you’d love but haven’t yet conjured. Gord.